Wham, Bam, Thank You, Spam!

New feature!

Some secret setting on my blog control panel has mysteriously changed. A few of the spam comments that I usually don’t even have to view are leaking through the filter into my mailboxes. And what entertainment they provide! In the tradition of making lemonade from lemons, I have decided to parse the gems. I  haven’t added any words, only punctuated run-on sentences into readable blocks where necessary. I trimmed repetitive and utterly insensible phrases and cut out spammy links and bad words.

This one is from Japan:

Sir Spamalot: With a range Tactfulness in vivo lordly, iron-handed, wild, of sensational emotions.

H: Strangely sexy, in a Middle Ages Sci-Fi sorta way.

SS: He felt absolutely, earmarks of its own to participate in this red Trident. Furthermore, I is accompanied past trembling a little. Does it means that you in no way be depressing for the power of the Poseidon tinge shudder this red happy even? Numen, what is that you bag to handle up?

H: Now we’ve gone underwater. Is this literal or symbolic? Is a tinge shudder different from a regular shudder? What’s a red happy even? Is it related to red algae bloom? Who’s Numen, and what is s/he bagging up?!

SS: It is unshakeable, it is tragic, the predominating behalf Dab force of six bone concentrated in the zoom, 3-core. Smattering some of the fearfulness that changed the red illumination.

H: So very sci-fi! Such evocative language. Tragic, unshakeable spam, smattering the fearfulness.

SS: Most conversion 3 bone Swathe, a gargantuan intensity with a getting on in years embodiment. Soup spouting blood was not distributed to the legion, readable, made the bone. 

H: I confess, I’m not a big sci-fi afficionado. Some of this text makes as much sense to me as published science fiction. Doesn’t made the bone sound like a thrilling metaphor from an epic poem? It’s spammetry in motion.

SS: Team apology shatter of his primitive torment, is engrossed during the coat of his repayment. Originally, the expectations of Nip, whale stupendous magical vivify of this cryptic affability anatomy cingulum regent.

H: I don’t think I want to be a member of Team Apology. I might like to wear a coat of repayment, though. Does Nip know Numen? How do you vivify? Why would you want to? What is a cingulum regent and where does it get its cryptic affability? Is that something I should aspire to?

SS: A unique at intervals at length engrossed, binding the Poseidon, sine qua non be thanks to it a baby, it is zing deep-felt.

H: Zing! I feel your passion, Sir Spamalot! (fans self)

SS: In accordance with the development of Dowel as expected down to the ground, also the impenetrable voodoo whale peer royalty, this absorption situate of
feasible you did not with any genius in the phosphorescence did not assume that you did not carry in a next of kin way to him, Poseidon. There is sex.

H: A-ha! There is sex! I knew it! I bolded the fantastic band names contained in that paragraph. And now we come to the grand finale, a crescendo of evocative adjectives and odd verb usage and epic imagery…

SS: I sentiment the late pilfer a nosedive of all of Hiroshi entrants on hammer in his cease operations before, initiatives, and to chief up his essentials like a hammer Haotian fragment of it.

H: Coming to a high school battle of the bands near you, they’re semi-punk post-pubescent poets with a grungy metal edge, let’s give a warm welcome to… Sentiment the Late Pilfer! Lead singer Hammer Haotian is here to Chief. You. Up.

Amen.

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